I got my visa! I actually got it on Tuesday, but I've been so swamped with getting ready for finals, school coming to an end, work, and everything else in my life I haven't gotten a chance to post until now.
Chicago was a blast, and I got about a roll of photos that I'll be enlarging soon and putting up. I got to have a nice stroll around Millennium Park, and spent some time in the Art Institute. The train ride was fun too, even with my tailbone issues. Apparently I had a cyst form from sitting too long while driving over break (or from class, or work, or the fact that I spend 90% of my day sitting), and that was my issue. It's all been taken care of now though, and I've been cleared for the long flight.
There is literally nothing left standing between me and France. This realization has brought me to tears on a few occasions already. I think I'm still a little scared about everything. I'm scared that the trip won't live up to my expectations. I'm scared that I'll get there and totally fail. I'm scared that I'll get back and not have a goal to strive for anymore. This is the culmination of 19 years of my life. What will I do about the next 70?
I've been watching TED talks lately to see if the world's brightest and most inspiring minds can help me through this. My first was Sarah Kay's "If I Should Have a Daughter" which takes its name from her opening poem. In it, she has one of the most profound statements I think I have ever heard:
"This life is going to hit you. Hard. In the face. Wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air."
When I first heard it, I thought that this semester, with all of the challenges, struggles, and work I've done, was my kick in the stomach. But the more I think about it, and the closer January 3rd gets, the more I think this semester has just been the punch in the face. I think the real kick in the stomach will be stepping out of the gate at Charles de Gaulle and standing, speechless, too afraid to breathe for fear of ruining the moment. I'm not asking for a chorus of angels or for some enormous epiphany of self-realization, but just the knowing, and tiny bit of fearing, that I'm a stranger in a strange land, ready to face the challenges of a new city, a new culture, and a new language. That it really is me and the world, and I have everything at my disposal to make it. That I have the chance to breathe.
Some of the other TED talks that have helped me process everything have been Sarah Kay's "How Many Lives Can You Live?", Kathryn Schultz's "Don't Regret Regret", Eve Ensler on security, and Isabel Allende's "Tales of Passion". Each of them brings a little bit of humor, a little bit of logic, and a bucket loads of understanding and inspiration. They've helped me realize that maybe I haven't answered all of my questions, but maybe I don't have to. If I've learned anything from actualizing my goals this far it's that I don't need some grandiose plan, things never go according to them anyway. I just need to find something I love, I'm passionate about, and I truly want to do, and I can accomplish it.
So that's it. I'm going to France. 23 days and counting.
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