Full Circle

Well, I'm home. After a hectic travel day, I landed safe and sound at Cleveland Hopkins, and that's when it hit me that it was all over. I had done it. I moved to France, made some from friends and some memories, and moved back. I had to look like a mildly insane person walking through the airport softly crying to myself. The finality was hard to deal with.

And this is what I'm worried about with my move back, is that people won't understand the emotions I'm going through. It's hard for people to realize that I wasn't just on vacation there, I lived there for 6 months. When I left, I was just starting to feel like Paris was home. Now that I'm home, I feel out of place. Looking out the window and seeing nice lawns and suburban homes is unsettling. I've forgotten the light switches at the house. I feel more like a guest than a resident.

But this time I don't have a built-in support group for dealing with my reverse culture shock. With the exchange group in Paris, we were all going through roughly the same emotions and problems. We understood. We could talk about all of it and nobody would try to forcibly cheer you up or give weak consolation, because they knew how much it sucked. Here, my friends don't understand why I'm not ecstatic about being home. They don't get why I don't have a laundry list of great stories to tell them. They, like the people staring at me in the airport, don't understand why it's so emotional, and say things like, "Don't worry, you'll go back," or, "But you had such a great experience." I understand that, and that's all well and good, but it isn't what I need to hear right now.

So if you're a friend from Paris, expect a lot of messages, and maybe even Skyping, and realize that you aren't alone if you feel out of place or a little depressed after your move back. Call me. I want to talk about it too.

If you're a friend here in the states, expect me to be emotional and moody. Expect me to be a little tired and disoriented. And if I have an emotional moment, try to understand more than console. Also, hanging out and going out and about are really important to me feeling like I'm home again. So drop me a line; I want to see you.

Finally, I'm keeping the blog up and running for a few reasons: 1) I still have some things from the last month that I need to post. 2) I want to use it as a way to document my return and sift through some of the emotion. 3) I have plans to travel again in the near future, and I plan to continue posting travel adventures and photos. 4) I want to be able to leave it as a resource for other students preparing to study abroad. So look for more posts in the future, and thanks for all the love and support I've had over the last six months. I look forward to the next adventure!